and suggestions to aid in optimizing the total chili cookoff experience.
1. Arrive in pickup truck, the bigger
the better. If you don't have one borrow one. You may substitute an
SUV if it is the size of a small house, get 3-7 miles to the gallon
and made in the USofA. What ever you drive, it must have a tailgate.
2. Ice chests. The more and the
bigger the better. These should be filled with beer and ice and no more
than 4-5 soft drinks and these should be Dr Peppers preferably bottled
in Dublin, Texas.
3. Beer and how much. Preferably
Lone Star and/or Shiner. No imported beer unless it's from Mexico. Best
rule of thumb is two cases per cookoff day. In case of a beer emergency,
you'll want to be able to share with a fellow in need.
4. Food. White bread, baloney, American
cheese and mustard and a half dozen onions should do if you're planning
full serious meals; a couple of bags of pigskins (the hot kind) if your
just going to snack. You'll also need coffee and a pint of Wild Turkey
or bottle of tequila to cut the dust out of your mouth in the morning.
5. Camping gear. You'll want to
stay for the whole cookoff so plan to stay at least one, possibly two
nights. Gear should include a sleeping bag, a gas stove, flashlight
and a coffee pot. Tents are too much trouble. Typically you'll throw
your sleeping bag into the bed of the truck and crash there. And don't
worry about rain. It almost never rains.
6. Lawn chairs. At least two, any
7. Tables are optional. That's
what a tailgate for.
8. A Texas flag or two.
It's aso important to know what
to wear. Dress for comfort. Blue jeans are always acceptable and, in
warm weather, shorts. Sandals, sneakers or hiking boots work for footwear.
Or you can go barefoot. A ball cap with some sort of logo is also acceptable.
The logo should be for a beer brand, a tractor brand or a football team
(high school or professional). T shirts of any type with any logo or
picture on front works. All shirts should have sleeves of some sort
or someone might mistake you for a redneck and they won't share their
beer and pig skins (the hot kind) which could be hazardous in case of
a beer or food emergency. And that's how fights get started.